Hey guys! So if you’re wondering where I’ve been this past week, and why I haven’t been posting, here’s the answer.
I’ve been working on something. Something big. Something that isn’t really that important. Something huge. Something….magical.
Coffee Day & Pictures!
on periods and superstition
It’s that wonderful time of the month again. Oh yes, menstruation. Here it is! Yep, this is gonna be a period post. You know, I’ve met some guys in my lifetime, who cannot stand talking about periods. I get it. It’s gross. But, not really. I mean it’s just a normal human bodily function, right? I’m currently around men who really don’t care. I could say the grossest things to them and they just say understanding, comforting things back. It’s just being an adult about it. Sometimes I really need to complain about these cramps, okay? And all I have to complain to, are my roommate (who’s a guy), and my boyfriend. So, let’s see. I’ve been having my period for 13 years now. I have had almost 155 periods now. Holy shit, what? This is insane. That’s a lot of periods to complain about. You’d think by now I’d be used to the pain right? Wrong. It’s still horrible. Every single time. It doesn’t matter how much you prepare, or how great you’ve gotten the hang of things. You just can’t account for the emotional roller-coaster, nausea, headaches, vomiting, and weird food cravings, that come with it. And the cramps, oh lord. It’s not all bad, though, you know? At least I know some part of me is working properly. At least I’m not pregnant. Haha. Still not good enough.
Let’s talk about Mental Illness in Trinidad and Tobago
Something happened to me recently. I got angry. I followed the news. I listened to the Minister of Education speak. I did some research on mental health. I posted some questions on social media about primary and secondary school education. I got very angry.
Let me tell you a little about me. I am 25 years old. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for over 15 years. When I was younger, there was no one I could go to or confide in. When I finally moved out of my parents’ house at 21 years old, I started going to therapy and was diagnosed with 4 mental illnesses. I started medication and cognitive behavioural therapy.
I wish someone had told me as a child, that what I was feeling was okay and that I was not alone. I wish someone had spoken to me about depression and abuse. I wish someone had openly talked to me about self harm. I wish I could be the one to jump into a time machine and go back to little Julie and take care of her. But alas, I cannot. What I can do, however, is make sure no other kids and teens have to suffer in silence like I did for so long.
On weddings and tradition
“You can’t date till you’re an adult! No boyfriends allowed!”
*sneaks around*
“You can’t do that in my house! Not under my roof!”
*“Okay, well I’m 21 now, I wanna get my own place!”*
“Move out?? Why do you want to leave??? Do you hate me????”
*finally leaves home at 24 after finishing school, etc*
“You’re 25. Why aren’t you married yet??? When will I get grandkids?”
Do these scenarios sound familiar? If it’s something you’ve experienced, I empathize. I am Indian. From the Caribbean. Specifically, I’m West Indian with East Indian roots. These are my parents. Overprotective, overbearing, strict, traditional, conservative. I have a question for them that I could never ask them. “If I literally just started dating because I was raised so strict, how am I supposed to get married now and have kids?” Now that’s considered being rude. But honestly, what do you expect from me?
Now, this isn’t exactly my situation, and it might only be an exaggerated version of most Caribbean young adults’ actual life and relationship with parents. But why is it someone can look at this and laugh along? What is with parent’s strictness, then overbearing expectations on their children, especially their daughters?
Dear Younger Me Series
Dear 20 year old me,
You are so tough. I wish I could be as tough as you are. Somewhere along the line I think I lost some of that raw nerve you had. I mean it’s not all bad, don’t worry. I’m pretty sure you’d think I look cool. I still have wildly coloured hair. I have 7 more tattoos, and a couple more piercings. Yeah, I know, totally rad. Job wise? Eh, well. I’m looking I guess. I was going alright there for a bit, you know. It was pretty okay. But I think I’m taking a break and going back to trying to “be happy”. I’m sure you remember what we used to want to do in life. I’m trying to realize those dreams once more. So I’m back to the drawing board. Literally. I’m drawing again, can you believe it?! And I’m painting, crafting and sewing. But, oh no. Please don’t be upset. I barely sing anymore. And I definitely don’t perform anywhere. I haven’t given up! I’m just….waiting. I wanna finally make my own stuff, like you wanted.
There are things about you I wish I still had. How are you so fearless? I have terrible anxiety every single day. Some days, I can’t even leave the house because of it. I wish I could figure out how you do it. You’re the strongest person I know. I think about the things you go through and know that I wouldn’t be able to do it myself. You are so funny and charismatic. But I wish I could tell you that you don’t have to hide everything like you do. You don’t have to mask all the bad stuff. There are people in your life who genuinely care about you. Don’t be so guarded. I know why you do it, and I know you feel you have to, but your true friends will help you and remain by your side. They’re still here. They’re proud of you. And so am I. I am so proud of you.I love you,
25 year old you.
I’m going to be doing an entire series of these, to various ages. Stay tuned.
Also, I invite you to join me!
