I’m starting a new job soon (yes! A real job!), and boy am I feeling that anxiety. Everyone gets those nervous and anxious feelings about any big new step in their life, right? But here I am feeling double the anxiety and nerves, since I’m just a generally anxious person to begin with. All I can think is ‘I really hope I can do this’ and ‘I wonder how long I’m gonna last this time’. Cause let’s face it, I’m a chronic job quitter. Do you know someone like this? Lasts about a few months to maybe a year, then quits and moves on to something else. That’s me. For me, it’s not because the job itself gets difficult. It’s either it gets too monotonous and I get bored with the routine, or I get really fed up with the environment and my coworkers and it starts affecting my mental health.
I’m just not one of those people who can stay in a job they hate and continue living a wholesome life. I am definitely not a career person, and I’m not a fan of capitalism either. (That’s putting it lightly, for those who know me) I can’t succeed in a corporate environment, doing that 8 to 4 stint, wearing stuffy clothes and high heeled shoes, conforming to a certain image, being treated like a slave, and just full on losing my individuality and becoming a robot. I’m always being told that I just need to ‘suck it up’ and ‘deal with it’, but it’s impossible for me, honestly. People tell me that that’s ‘just the way it is’, but that’s not good enough for me. I do not thrive in environments like these, and I just wish people could understand that. Especially in this country full of ignorant people, I can’t handle being around a group of homophobic racist staff members for long. It’s the number one reason I leave jobs. I know that’s not something I can really change and everyone tells me that I have to learn to work around it, but I am not capable of sacrificing my integrity and inner peace. *sigh* If only we had temp agencies here.
And now, I’m not saying those of you who do have careers and steady jobs are just soulless robots. If you can survive in a job for long, good for you! It’s just not in my personality to do the same. If you’ve found a career that you really enjoy, I’m happy for you! I am just not cut out for traditional employment. It’s one of my biggest faults and I know it would be a heck of a lot easier for me if I could just pick something and settle down. But, alas, I cannot.
I have had so many different types of jobs in my 7-or-so years of working. I genuinely enjoy learning new things and that’s one thing I’m happy for throughout my working life. I’ve never actually worked in my field of study (and I never want to), and I don’t seek out jobs that seem too difficult. I always look for something really simple and easy to do. It’s not because I’m unqualified, but because my mental health would be at stake if I get too stressed out. I need to do something simple so that I’m not tired when I get home, so I’ll be able to focus on the important things, like writing, painting and crafting. To me, a job is just a job, nothing more. It’s just a salary.
I mean, I know for a fact my mental illnesses get in the way of me living a normal life a lot of the time. But all I can do is continue doing what I’m already doing. Cognitive therapy, meditation and mindful thinking, that is. If I realize my depression or anxiety is getting worse because of the environment that I’m in, then I’m gonna have no problems getting myself out of that situation. I mean, sure I get anxious about leaving a place too. I feel super guilty about it. But it’s really the only choice I have left. So here I am, a chronic job quitter, about to embark on my newest journey. Let’s see how long this one lasts.
Ideally, though? Like, if I had to pick a ‘career’. I would just wanna say “I’m a writer and an artist” and be done with that.